This world has left me all alone.
But, I sit on this little stone.
I cross my legs,
& fold my hands.
And ask the Lord to help me understand.
I ask him about love & grace.
I ask him about trust & faith.
I ask him about life & what it means to believe.
I even ask him why it's hard for me.
Why don't I believe?
I ask him why I can't sleep.
I ask him how to change.
Some people may same I'm impatient.
Cause I give up fast,
Especially when I don't hear a sound.
No, not even a peep.
You may say I am not trusting God,
You may say I am rushing time,
& not waiting for his.
But, I don't care if I'm impatient
Cause I do give up fast.
And I am tired of always running around.
I am tired of not even hearing a peep.
I'm tired of trying to trust God,
Especially, when I'm stressed most of the time.
I may be "his kid", but I don't truly feel like "his".
But, I sit on this little stone.
I cross my legs,
& fold my hands.
I tell God I don't understand.
Maybe people have shown me grace.
But, why can't my mom show me faith.
I just don't see how they can believe.
I don't understand why it's so hard for me.
Why are people mad at me when I tell them I don't believe?
They make it worse, & then I really can't sleep.
I don't know how to change.
Every time I change,
I feel like I'm pretending.
Every time that I wanna try again,
Something tells me that God would never want me.
Every time I think I could do it this time,
I work really hard,
But, a month down the road, I'm exhausted...
And I don't feel like I can change.
I just go back to pretending.
And then I follow this cycle all over again.
Every time something tells me that God would never want me.
I just don't feel like it's ever gonna be "my" time,
I just feel like it's really hard; sometimes, even too hard.
& I'm back to being exhausted...
