Nightmare

This is some random writing about a nightmare I've been having lately I thought if I wrote it I might forget it

tell me why can't I sleep? I was fascinated by the silence.
Yet I talk to myself in this damp room again.
Why can't I sleep? Because I saw you.
You looked down on the wet floor.Leaned your while sleeping

I just didn't have any feelings for the uninteresting reality.
I adoringly looked at you without saying a word.I even forgot to blink

I want to fall asleep, just feeling the fear of awaking.
If I want to forget everything. Is it selfish nonsense?
I call your name you dont answer. I go mad with the silence.
I shouted while holding your thin shoulder, it was too frail with warmth.

I was fascinated by the uninteresting reality.
I found out that it even was meaningless that I had been born. Yet I must not cry

The voice at my back kept on screaming.
The reason was not important.
Only you look so sad in front of me
I hate myself so much because I couldn't do anything for you.

I tell to you, who gave me my name. Can you be beside me as it is?
Don't you see? for me you are the first and last 'mother'.

I softly lined you with deep red color on the white wall.
I came close, the still warm cheek. I just smiled calmly.
A big teardrop was filled with you. And I felt we could become one at the time.
The time when the eyelids close and the warmth is gone, I am beside you.