Never Loved.

I cannot be,
as I am.
I pray you understand.
See, I never hated myself
and I would like to hope I do not still.
But when hope is shattered and dreams are gone
Only the reality can still my panicked heart.
See I don't hate me for what I have done,
or who I have hurt...
Or who I have tried to love.
I do not hate me because to them I may not be good enough.
No, there is another reason.
One I am terrified to admit.
You see, this hate is out of passion,
and it is too painful to admit.
I never loved a birdy,
I never loved the rain.
I never loved my heart,
I never loved the butterfly,
I never loved the storm.
But I loved me, a little child
smiling broad
and LYING to them all.
I lied, I cheated,
I laughed in my sleep.
the little nightmares, how they would creep,
and I welcomed them.
I adored them,
and never dared tell them true.
I lied, I am a liar...
and how are you?
See, I never hated my lies.
It was all but a a game.
I never hated the fact they shook in fear of me,
but called themselves my friends.
I never Loved the birdy,
I NEVER loved the rain.
I never loved the tempest,
I never loved the Pain.
I never loved the Dem light,
nor the angel fallen,
or the sun.
I never loved any of them, those who sought my love.
They were a test to me.
To see how far I could fly
away from reality.
I lied I cheated I played.
And somewhere on my playground
the outline of the lover's course,
lies in misery and discord.

I never loved a birdy,
I never loved the rain.
I never loved the heart,
I never loved the butterfly,
I never loved the tempest,
I never loved the Pain.
I never loved the dim light,
nor the angel fallen,
or the sun.
I never loved any of you.
And I have won.

~all of these thing, the birdy, the tempest, the heart, are nicknames of people I once promised love. I donno if I really feel this way. But I am sure they understand. how can I love images gone, especially after everything I had done to them?~