Mii childhood memories

These memories of mine are haunting me day by day
Some good but mostly bad and i can't stay this way
being beaten down by mii brother
and being b**ched at from mii mother
are most of what mii childhood memories are about

Mii step-brother r*ping me
Even molesting me when i was 4.
being forced into doing syuff i didn't want to do most of mii life
that's the rest of mii childhood memories that comes to mii mind

I turned dark during the summer
yes.I cut
I burned
committed many suicides.which i never won
I finally quit..and that when i had a dream

I dreamed mii mom telling me that mii step-brother died
I even dreamed of what he did to commit suicide
At the funeral it didn't take much to cry
All I had to do was remember the good times and not the bad

I cried and cried
more then everyone else.
I cried and cried when i went bacc to all those times i've tried committing suicide
I'm still a dark person but i quit all that foolishness

i dream every nite
That he was still here
I dream every nite
To be anywhere but here
I just wanna go bacc to the place where all mii childhood memories are.

Soo far.the 11th of every month is the best or worst
December 11th.Mii brother left me a memory to remember..when he went to jail
january 11th.i got with the guy I thought would be the right one
February 11th.was the day b4 me and the boy got bacc together
but March 17th..was the worst of all.

I've been torchered.
I lived to love pain
i always told miiself i wouldn't live another day
but here i am.sayin all this stuff
and wondering why people wants to kill themselves soo badly.

I've gone through depression.
I literally tried committing suicide
but the day of mii step-brother's funeral
I realized that people might not act like they love you but if you died.they sure would cry
you can hate somebody with all you have.but when they die you WILL cry

I've gone through it all.
and yet people say i have no reason to be depressed
3 close people died all in one month.

I know how it feels to wanna die
to be depressed
to hate somebody with everything you got.i know how it all feels
So don't make the same mistakes as I did when i got depressed i turned to the knife.
get anything to cope with your problems.cuz ending your life is never the answer.
You are just making it harder on other people.