Simulacrum

I am a mere recreation,
A representation of nihility.
Cognizant only in my imagination,
Existing in my own hostility.

I am the epitome of ennui.
Bored with what I have become.
A failure in human ingenuity,
Unpleasantly numb.

An empty vessel,
Robbed of needed incarnation.
No longer blinded by skepticism
For I no longer seek salvation.

I pray I was more selfish,
Or content with an abyss.
So I could bid this simulacrum farewell,
I could find my needed bliss.

Im no longer jovial in this emptiness,
Ive wondered into my minds unknown.
And even though I know others are there,
Ive never felt so alone.

Sleep is rare,
Time passes without remorse.
Taunting my very existence,
Allowing its poison to take course.

I believe I have finally found it,
Something for which I have prepared.
It could either be hopeful naivete',
Or a feeling that I alone have shared.

I flee from its ambiguity,
I rejoice in its lucidity,
I take shelter in its dependability.
And I confide in its morbidity.

Im a captive in my own penitentiary,
I am forced to live inside my mind.
Lusting at a chance to break out,
However I will always be confined.

I will forever be a simulacrum,
Day after day I will reappear.
Nothing will free me from this fate,
I will never be alleviated of this fear.

(c) Jacob M. Parnell