Theft

by SuicideNotes2Poems   Apr 18, 2008


A heart that is stolen
And I want it back
because she doesn't care for it
shes taking me off track

I'm lost in my life
shes found in my dreams
forgetting about her
is harder than it seems

She is all i think about
I hate its her I'm lovin
to me she is the world
to her I'm just a cousin

----- Ive been getting asked if shes really my cousin, and ya she is. so i hope you see that I'm not making meaningless rhymes. so plz read/rate/comment it. thx -----

Ricky

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by xxEvilAngelxx

    Short and sweet. I dont think it needs much else. Wonderfully written. I can relate... but I also agree with Everly's comment :)

  • 16 years ago

    by BECCA lessTHANthree

    I dont love this poem. i think its a bit too breif, and not that i have a prob with short poems its just this is short and it doesnt give enough emotion. its too simple and seems like not enough time or feelings were put into this. it seems like an amateur poem and from reading your others you've written many better

    overall, a nice effort

  • 16 years ago

    by xToBeWithYoux

    A really nice poem, not long but long enough. The rhymes are not forced at all and the wording flows well. Keep it up!

  • 16 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    A heart that is stolen
    but I want it back
    because she doesn't care for it
    shes taking me off track
    `Hm, I find the wording a wee bit odd. Like it should be, "A heart has been stolen; and I want it back" instead of "but I want it back" because when I think something's stolen, of course the owner desires for it to be returned, but I think you put it that way on purpose? Just noting. Also, the rhyme sounds a tad ... shoved in there. Like it just popped into your head and decided to force it to work, but when I think about the meaning behind it, it's completely norm for such a thing to take one's life off track.

    I'm lost in my life
    shes found in my dreams
    `Oh, stunning lines! The word choice is so simple, but they're put together in a way that touches down to a deeper, sweeter level -- for me, it's when one is lost ... forlorn in their lives, looking for what they've misplaced or had taken from them; the one you love though, she's something keeping you sane -- but in this situation, she's only reachable in one's fantasies.

    She is all i think about
    I hate its her I'm lovin
    `It would make more sense (to me) to have it be "I hate that it's her I'm lovin'" (I don't like the shortening of loving, but either way).

    And I totally get it; my best friend fell for her cousin, but she didn't find out that he was her cousin until after it was too late, only this wasn't a second cousin or a third, so it's even more unacceptable to society. I wish you the best of luck :)
    ..__MiNDYY

  • 16 years ago

    by xxxlOvElY sWeEtHeArTxxx

    Ummm I think it is kind of weriod...if it wasnt your cousin you were writting about..it would have been great.

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