Comments : What I Want...

  • 16 years ago

    by FountainsOfBlood

    Awww!! </3 that is the most sweet but sad thing i've read so far!

    I think it would be easier to read if you structure it better, cause having a big block makes it more annoying to read. plus, it sorta takes away the poetry-feel from this poem :S if that makes sense...

    try setting it out like this:

    You don't know how many memories i keep in my head about us.
    Today when i ran out in front of your car, and begged you not to go...
    I meant it.
    I saw you smile,
    I love to make you happy,
    And when i do,
    You do the same thing back.
    You make me happy.

    There are a thousand words i could say to you Of how i feel,
    But i know you have another "one" in your life...
    The thing is,
    I don't care what you say,
    I'm deeply in love with you,
    but i don't know how to get out of this.
    The gravity holds me down,
    So powerful,
    I'm going to be stuck in this rut for life.

    I want to picture you taking my hand
    And pulling me into your arms
    Holding me...
    But i can't seem to make it come true.
    If there was anyway you could understand,
    Don't keep me waiting
    In the huge storm of tears.

    All i want is to be with you forever, but that will only happen in my dreams.

    5/5
    ~FountainsOfBlood