What love did to me

Never in my life have I let my heart lead me. I always used my mind to guide, and show me the way. any and everyone was disposable. it was so easy for me to just say, see ya later. Now I sit here. Actually everywhere I go, and everyone who speaks to me. i just feel alone. I am so overwhelmed with confusion & disgust for giving my heart to someone who crushed it into a million pieces. I go out, and every single person around me wants me to smile. They buy me drinks. Try and talk to me. I appreciate what they are doing. But, I just can't speak to them. I can not smile. I just look around feeling blank, and empty. There is no need to explain what I am going through. I appreciate advice, but I know that I must feel the pain. I must work this out for myself. I can not smile. I can not speak. I just think. My heart is broken, and my mind is in turmoil. As Strong as I ever was. Now I am so much more weak. I am an evil person. This I know. But there are some things I would kill or die for. So, I starve myself. I workout lifting weights for 2 hours a day. I ride my bike so fast. All of this I do alone. All the self destructive things I am doing bring me to one conclusion......A BROKEN HEART CAN NOT KILL YOU!!!!

this is not finished. but I had to attempt to express my pain. comments & suggestions are very much welcome