Very good, i can relate lol, i agree with the post above me - then end doesnt rhyme that well but still a VERY good poem well done 5/5

suicidal love xx

Hmm.
Okay, lets start with- it's a really beautiful poem, and being the opposite gender, I felt a little like I was the girl you were talking about - I put myself into her position, and it was really touching, but as the poem continued, I felt bored, and within 4 lines from the last, I had concluded that you were not much of a romantic, sorry this seems harsh, but this was how I felt.
There were many metaphors, which spiced the poem up, and showed some real colours, but as The Tasteless has stated, the use of fillers are quite heavy.
Maybe using more simple, yet authentic words, and if desired, use more complex words, not to make the poem complex, but make it sound sophisticated, and to show that you know what you are talking about-- also knowing the words you use is a big help-- from first-hand experience haha.
Also, as The Tasteless states, that the last two lines;
"And yet I wish to tell you of my love,
If only love its own locks would be removed."
That, "love" doesn't rhyme with "removed".
I also get mixed up with this sometimes, which makes me figety and picky. A good way to prevent this mis-rhyming from happening, try reading the poem aloud a few times? This could help-- helps me ;]
Hmm. It is a very nice poem, and I could see that you are trying to express the love, but it wasn't 100% connencted to me, sorry ;s
Probably 70% ;]
But still a great effort - I hope that this helps with future alterations and/or other poems ;]
Sorry I have critisised, but this is how I really felt about your poem ;]
-- Good Luck <3
--- 4 / 5 ---
-- Nicole xx ;]

Hey! This was a great poem. dont listen to the ppl that critique your work. their just jealous they cant write like that. I'm glad you can show your emotions and your not afraid to do that. keep up the good work. 5/5~Spiker_03~lil' sis.

Hey Nathan.... OMW awww i so totally loved this wirte its very different than any other poem ive read, sry i didnt take the time to read what other ppl had to say (who cares about the critics) i absolutely loved it!!! i think u did very good it was so touching i just hoped u shared this with Ali... 5/5 always
ur lil sis'
Kate~

Hey I wrote a sonnet. But i love this poem.
If you want to read my sonnet
it is on my other account Ophelia
it's called A Sonnet to You

You won't believe me, so its better I stay mute,
Than offer you words that make you gag.
And yet I wish to tell you of my love,

I love how you love so much that you can't seem to get the words out
but you feel that you must

Lovely poem

My normal words don't even do this justice. All too many times I've felt a burning love and been to selfconscience to speak it. This is the biggest fear/problem in a growing relationship. I loved this poem. It took my breath away...

5/5

First of all. I like that you've tried a different style. Sonnets are beautiful, and even more beautiful to write so well done on this.

I know Italian Sonnets are broken down in structure and look lovely though i'm not sure on an english sonnet. If it can be broken down into different structured stanzas I think that would make this poem a little neater. Either way it doesn't really matter.

You've used quite a few filler words here which made the poem seem a touch rushed to me. Your emotions were their though they were only on the surface I couldn't feel the full extent of this poem.

Your rhymes seemed a bit rushed to me, in love poems I know it is hard to find rhymes that will always fit together nicely, also in sonnets it's not easy either because the rhyme scheme is always set. You can't just flow with it.

I feel as though this poem could of had alot more power behind it if you used metaphors and more imagery.

You had this poem on the surface with a little bit more work I think it could become quite the stunning piece. You've got what it takes you just have to practice like we all do.

~Mel