No one understands

No one understands...

what really goes on...

behind closed doors...

i never understood...

why my daddy doesn't care...

when he is half of me...

i never understood...

why he let her drink...

knowing that she was pregnant...

he had a wife...

he had a son...

when he met my mom...

why did he leave her...

why did he be so mean...

especially in her time of need...

but he did...

and left her no choice...

to raise two children...

lying in bed...

passed out drunk...

is the life she lived...

everyday i would ask myself...

when will she stop...

when will she sober up...

taking care of one another...

me and my brother...

is the reason were both here today...

she developed an ulcer...

she developed a tumor...

but her stubbornness stood in the way...

she continued t drink...

until her body started to reject...

the ulcer and the tumor...

we could have saved her...

but she refused...

and i take all the blame...

over and over...

people say...

it's not your fault...

but i still doubt...

that it's the truth...

because i should have saved her...

as i continue to grow...

as i continue to learn...

the facts and meaning of life...

i continue to ask...

why god chose her...

and to leave her two children behind...

to fend for them selves...

we went to court...

to find a guardian...

my dad decided...

to sit on the side lines...

and watch his children be taken...

to a home he never knew...

he was never informed...

of what went on...

he never knew...

that we were being treated...

in such a grotesque manor...

on many occasions...

i have tried...

to enter him into my life...

but each and every time...

he shut me out...

he rejected me...

everyone kept telling me...

to give up hope...

to give up trying...

but most of all...

they told me it wasn't worth...

the trouble, the pain, the hurt...

i never listened and continued...

over and over...

and all i have to ask...

is why daddy...

are you being so mean...

are you being so rational...

i just don't understand...

and i guess i never will...

but i have made it thus far...

i will make it the rest...

i will make it all the way...

to make my mommy...

stand tall and proud...

in loving memory this poem is sincerely dedicated to flora jean cowell.