Ladies and Gentlemen

I'm sorry to inform you
Dearest friends and guests
That you mean NOTHING to me
You are simply unwanted pests

I know you thought this meal
Was a show of my kind heart
But follow me downstairs
This way. Shall we start?

In this basement
I've watched and I've planned
Waiting for the moment
Now together, here we stand

I never thought this day would come
And now it finally has
Get that look off your face
Confusion soon will pass

Let me explain
It started innocent enough
Peeking in my windows
When night had turned to dusk

Then sneaking in my house
At night when I'm in bed
There was this little child...
See now? Not much to dread

He climbed the stairs so carefully
Trying desperately not to squeak
But there I stood above him
His knees quickly turned weak

He fell down to his knees
"Mercy" escaped his lips
"Mercy?" I asked
"Never. But here's a little tip..."

"When sneaking in a house
Remove your noisy shoes
And check the floorboards darling
For they are always loose"

He found his strength and ran away
Leaving not a trace
But he fell down at the door
He had tripped upon his lace...

Now I see I've frightened you
I'll tell you no more
Ah! Ladies and Gentlemen
Excuse me, for I think I hear the door.....