Thats really good, well done and keep writing ok xxx

A wonderful write. I really like your style of writing - it's very unique. 5/5

Wow..
*shivers*
amazing metophoric twist on this.
a great write and very touching.
and eery...
keep it up!

Hey this is so well written... i enjoyed reading it... the way you have structured the poem is nice... reaaly good work..

one typo i found- witout = without
i hope you will correct it...

"(Lost forever
To the depths of hell
I meant to help
My wishes were well) "

^^I was moved by the last lines...it reminds me of the times when i want to do something good... but it gets misinterpretted...and that hurts...

great write...

keep writing...

Kind of long but rather captivating. I loved this one Laura...great work! The imagry is much better than I remember. You are becoming quite the good writer.

I usually have a hard time getting into dark poems , but i enjoyed this one alot actually . Good flow and awesome rhymes .. 5/5

To personify the darkness of Sorrow, loneliness, depression serves a purpose in this uniquely formatted poem. The poem also reflects the damned if I do and damned if I do not feelings that I am certain have entertained at some point in our life. For sure we entertain friends
"Ah faithful friend is perceived as unhealthy in this case as it should be though at times we should avoid befriending our afflictions

Very deep and well written

It seems that fate
Has made a way
For an old friend
To return and stay

(speak quickly)
^^ interesting...im intrigued!

"Ah faithful friend
How have you been?"
My voice is bitter
My face is grim

(Quiet now)
^^ good descriptive words...i am still wondering what exactly is going to happen..

I stare silently
At her haunting face
Eyes of shadowy pits
A dark disturbing place

(A porcelain doll she is)
^^hmmm....why?

Her skin, pale as the moon
With hair darker than a starless night
One glance by her
Gives timeless chills, endless fright

(Don't move)
^^ you give a sense of fear and caution here...good way to put emotion into the reader!

Horror stricken
Here I stand
Somehow witout control
I reach for her hand

(No, don't touch her)
^^ spelling error in "witout" it should be without anyway back to the poem...is what in parenthesis background info? why shouldnt you touch her!?

A moment of warning
Just a second too late
I'm now under a spell
I have entered the dark gate

(Please fight, come back)
^^why does she have this control? and what is past the gate?

My head starts to spin
As stories begin to tell me
Pain, agony, horror, and suffering
Everything I feel everything I see

(Do not give in to the poison)
^^ who is offering the poison...why are all these emotions coming up? good job with keeping the reader strung along!!! : )

Sadness washes over
Hand in hand she and I go
As the ghosts of the past
Replay their words of sadness and woe

(Don't listen)
^^aww...sad : /

At the end of our journey
She begins to walk away
I am left alone
In tears I will pay

(Stand up)
^^ why did she leave?

I fall to the floor
And begin to crawl
Pieces of me scattered
Just as a torn up rag doll

(Who was she?)
^^ whoever she was she got close to you fast

My friend?
She has many names
Sorrow, loneliness, depression...
Her objections remain the same

(Why would you do this?)
^^ life plays mean tricks and games on you unfortunately

Here I am
Left to die
Empty and broken
With nothing left inside

(Lost forever
To the depths of hell
I meant to help
My wishes were well)
^^ great way to end it ! really emotional

you did a tremendous job of keeping the reader interested! 5/5

Wow, I really liked this poem. The emotion was strong. I liked the format it was different and helped to make a point it kind of went with the emotions. I gave it a 5/5. I saw nothing that needed to be fixed. Keep up the great work.

This is well written from the beginning until the end. I like your writing styles. Keep it up, kel.

Great title first off.

Reading the first stanza, I like the short lines. I also like that most words are only one or two syllables. It really flows well.

After reading the first few stanzas, the lines in-between the stanzas reminded me of a movie script. I was unsure of them at first, but as I read on, I really like them.

Moving on, everything seems well written and flows well. For some reason, I really felt like this poem just flowed out of you. I am not sure why, maybe its the simplistic words, but it doesn’t seem like you had to put a lot of thought into it, I did not mean that in a bad way either).

As I kept reading, it seemed to me that you were fighting with yourself. The main stanzas were one opinion, and the lines in-between were like a alternative personality. I really like the conflict.

Once I reached the end, I love how the last line is all inside the parenthesis.

Great job; i really have nothing to suggest.

(If you found my comment useful, please feel free to praise it!)

My first time reading this type of style of writing
very unqiue, as well as a smooth rhyme scheme
nicely written 5/5

WOW i LOVE this poem...it gave me cold chills...this is really good you should right some new ones
~*~LIZ~*~

WOW i LOVE this poem...it gave me cold chills...this is really good you should right some new ones
~*~LIZ~*~

WOW i LOVE this poem...it gave me cold chills...this is really good you should right some new ones
~*~LIZ~*~

WOW i LOVE this poem...it gave me cold chills...this is really good you should right some new ones
~*~LIZ~*~