What I feel

My life changes everyday,
one good day one bad,
I love my family and friends but sometimes its not enough.
I miss my Nan more and more everyday some may not see it but i feel it.
She wasn't just my Nan she was my best friend and like a second mother to me.she always made me happy.
Life isn't the same without knowing she's ok or if I'd be able to see her.
If i could call heaven i would call her everyday.
I'm getting good grades and behaving in class just for her cos she was the only one that told me to do the best I can.
My life's falling apart but she'll always be in my heart. Seeing her in Hospital suffering too much, I wished I could be in her place.
My Nan is wonderful i want to be just like her.
She was always brave and had a smile on her face no matter what.
God took her too soon....
When I found out she was gone I didn't cry i didn't;t do anything I just hugged dad. I didn't believe she was gone! Till this day I still don't believe it because she is still with me i may not see her but i know for sure that she is watching over me guiding me through life..And if she is reading this I want her to know that i love Her and I'm sorry I didn't spend much time with her..
I take alot for granted, I have a bad attitude and hate life but if it was worse could i be able to handle it??
As I am writing this tears are falling from my eyes and suicide crosses the mind...If i had 1 hour with my Nan I would tell her how sorry I am for not being there when she needed me the most..
I just wish I could have died not her!
She didn't deserve what happened to her, it should have been me cos I'd deserve it..
All the bad things I've done take over the good..There is one secret I have kept that some people know but i bury it in my heart so I try to let it go..
I never told Nan cos I was to ashamed I told my friends and they laughed and said I'm the one to be blamed...
Life may suck but I'm keeping my head held high trying to do the best I can..
Take each day as it comes and leave the good with the bad and smile with the sad..
I will always have the great memory's with my Nan and she'll always be in my heart. Cos to me she never left she just became invisible.....

****I know this doesn't rhyme and may not make any sense but it's how I feel..I am still getting over the recent loss of my Nana...thanks for reading...******