This is a very sad piece. Yet it is also dark and spine chilling. It makes the reader feel as if they are watching some kind of evil ritual.

Amongst the pain, amongst the lies
Amongst the darkness of the skies
Amongst the broken love and the hurt
Amongst the tears and the words.

I really liked these lines. You had some good imagery in the poem but the flow was a bit off.
Good job!
Take Care Cindy

I love how you both started this poem and how you ended it. Its certainly breath taking and chilling with a twist at the end.
I realized this poem is partly based on the anime I told you about ;-)
5/5

Cheers xo

Omg, thats excellent, awesome job. wow. well done and hope to read more! xxx

Wow that was awesome. i though i loved it.

This poem is so powerful and very dark.. it talks about anguish that can't be cure, and the only way to resolved it to surrender your life.. i know most of us wanted to give up that easily butthat is not the solution.

I love Death Note!!! ^.^ *is an anime freak* I've only gotten to the part right after L dies though. It was so sad. T.T

Anyways, this was a good poem, so dark and creepy just like the show. I think you captured the hurt and despair perfectly, and maybe just a little regret? You kept me very interested the whole time and never once did I lose interest.

Death note, note of death
Heartbeat and dragon's breath
Write a sentence just to try
A way, a word, a person to die.
`` This stanza was an amazing opening, especially the line about the dragon's breath. It sent chills down my spine.

I never thought that I'd really be the very first to fall.
`` This ending was a little shocking, I think. The owner of the death note, the first one to fall? At least I think that's what you were saying.

I'm glad this title caught my eye! It was amazing! x]

Keep writing!
Cayce

Great poem! you described love's pains nicely as being written in a deathnote (know the series tottally adicted)... sad thing he kills the one who loves him.