Love's Dance

"You take my hand,
I take the chance.
Feeling the beat,
we start to dance."

= Flow is really good here. I liked the rhyming, too. Sets the tone for the poem. :)

"Lost in your eyes,
Wanting, wishing.
Moving together.
This, is living."

= Suggestion: I think you should make the second line more complete. To me, it's just two words, instead of a complete thought. Also, last line: the comma isn't needed. It adds a pause which is unncessesary.

"Melding with you,
becoming one.
Only us,
till the dance is done."

= "melding" - good word. I've not seen it used very often, if ever, in poetry. Cool. :)

"The music ends,
you glance around.
Your passion fades,
my heart hits the ground."

= Wow. Definitely changed the mood. A bit too sudden, I think, but it works. :)

"The moment gone,
the fire out,
you changed my world,
without a doubt."

= I like this stanza. My favourite, I think.

"But too quickly I loved,
then you slipped away.
Leaving the echoes,
of happier days."

= I feel like.. the poem isn't finished- like you had more to say. I think you could easily add on if you so wished.

Briana.

Sorry its taken so long to comment, my internet has been down.

"You take my hand,
I take the chance.
Feeling the beat,
we start to dance."

-I simply love the beginning, how it starts with a dance. And I like how you tell the reader that you're putting your heart on the line.

"Lost in your eyes,
Wanting, wishing.
Moving together.
This, is living."

-I can picture this happening, and I can feel the emotion begin to rise here. I like ghow you keep the element of dancing here.

"Whispering words,
into your ear.
It feels so good,
to have you near."

-I really like this particular stanza because of the way you show the reader, of how close you're getting to him.

"Melding with you,
becoming one.
Only us,
till the dance is done."

-Here is where I start to find out thatmaybe things will not work out, because of how you say till the dance is done. It gives the reader clues to what will happen, but this moment here is caputred by the words you used.

"The music ends,
you glance around.
Your passion fades,
my heart hits the ground."

-I can feel here the emotion you're feeling, and I fully empathize with you here, and I just want to hit that dude.

"The moment gone,
the fire out,
you changed my world,
without a doubt."

-The transiton I liked was how you went to the emotions during the dance, and then you went to the feeling after the dance

"But too quickly I loved,
then you slipped away.
Leaving the echoes,
of happier days. "

-This shows me how much you fell in love, in just a short time

This poem was well written. Rhyming wasn't forced, and I really did feel the emotion throughout this.
5/5

Every stanza carried the flow well and your rhyming was great =] Good job. The content was beautiful yet sad at the ending. I really did enjoy this poem snd I think it worth a deff 5/5

I really enjoyed this love poem, because it was so real and deep. Every line was straight from the heart and had such a meaning beneath it. Your rhyming and flow was excellent and this was an adorable piece! 5/5 from me, take care..

"You take my hand,
I take the chance.
I feel the beat,
we start to dance"

^^ I really liked this opening, I found it to be very sweet, and filled with emotion which pulled me into the piece. However I didn't like the repeated use of "I" maybe:

You take my hand,
To take the chance.
Feeling the beat,
we start to dance

"Lost in your eyes,
Wanting, wishing.
Moving together.
This, is living."

^^Ahh..beautiful stanza! Filled with so much love that it leaves me with a feeling of contentment and leaves a smile on my face.

"I whisper some words,
into your ear.
It feels so good,
to have you near"

^^The only thing I didn't like here was the "I", maybe :

Whispering words
in your ear
It feels so good
To have you near

"Melding with you,
becoming one.
Only us,
till the dance is done."

^^favourite stanza so far. I like how you've mixed love with dancing, I find it to be romantic and moving.

"The music ends,
you glance around.
Your passion fades,
my heart hits the ground."

^^I found the flow in the last line to be of here, maybe :

The music ends,
you glance around.
Your passion fades,
Heart hits the ground.

It just seems to flow better for me without the "my."

"The moment gone,
the fire out,
you changed my world,
without a doubt"

^^ Another favorutie stanza, I find this verse to hold as much depth and emotion as the entire piece put together. The fact that up until now you've been showing the brighter side of love and then so suddenly switched to the darker side made for a powerful effect on the piece.

"But too quickly I loved,
then you slipped away.
Leaving the echoes,
of happier days"

^^ What a beautiful way to end the piece, something that will certainly stay me, and a fitting end to such a beautiful poem.