I thought you were
the one for me.
I knew i wanted to be with you
when we got paired up in class.
It was like a dream when you asked me
to go on a so called "date" with you.
It was perfect and i didn't care
what other people thought about it.
After that, we talked until one in the morning
and smiled at each other in class.
Who cared if you were older?
I know we didn't.
It had to work out between us.
All the emotions and mental aspects were there.
Then i believed i could improve my chances by
giving you the picture you wanted and
agreeing to ditch class with you.
I did what you wanted in the field
we went off to.
Even though we didn't do anything major
it still had a special meaning to me.
And now it also felt like
we had the physical aspect there too.
I waited for the end of the week
when you said you would give me your answer.
I was so excited,
i knew it had to work out between us.
Then you told me i was great but
not for you.
That this week you noticed my flaws and
had to much going on to
deal with one more thing.
You said six words i didn't want to hear,
"I just want to be friends"
I didn't know what to say.
I told you that would be chill.
That i would like that very much
Which i did because i didn't want to lose you
all together.
But inside i was fallen apart.
I felt used and hurt.
I thought you were different from all the other guys
but now I'm not sure.
I didn't know how to grieve
so i took my razor and
slashed my arm.
I know it wasn't a smart idea
but neither was fallen for you.
You will never know how much hurt you
inflicted on me.
You will never see the scar on my heart
or the blood that drips from my arm.
Or the damage that u caused me mentally.
I know i can't blame all of this on you
because i shouldn't of done what i did.
I know i shouldnt of acted
like a stupid little girl
But did you have to reject me?
Couldn't of you given me a chance
and see what would of happened from there?
Instead of dropping me like an old toy.
I know the "what if" game is pointless
but i cant help thinking what if
i did things different.
If my nervousness and my other flaws
didn't scare you away,
would I of been with you?
I guess i will never know
and now i have to move on.
I don't know why i thought you were
the one for me.
It was a mistake to fall for you and
an even bigger one to become physical with you.
I was vulnerable but you didn't have
to take advantage.
Now I'm left with these cuts on my arm
and the damage to my heart as
well as my mind.
I'm now left with your memory
and the challenge of forgetting what could of
been......
