by Wallace Apr 27, 2008
category :
Sadness, depression /
other
Timmy never understood why his parents fought |
Wow. I am impressed by your message about how families should be. I find it quite rare these days to find someone who believes in the family unit itself, because in our world its reputation has been damaged beyond repair. My heart weeps for those who never got the chance to be loved by parents, who had their childhood ripped away. And specialists wonder why children and teens these days have as many problems as they do. Well expressed story in the form of poetry. |
Interesting write for me, it seems to be more of a story which was written into a poem. Overall a nice write, but I felt it could of been better. |
by Nix
This is quite touching, it is interesting but it didn't impressed me too much. I don't see this piece as poetry, it is more like a story which you wrote in stanzas. The bad impression on me left the fact that you didn't actually completed any sentences, you don't have any punctuation signs which made this poem hard to read. You wrote this too clear for my taste, though you expressed emotions nicely you used same words many times and it seems that you lack ability to express your thoughts on unique way. I personally think that you could add some metaphors or make it at least little deeper. |