Ruined

Push me, Ill fall
This table is unstable but i will hold it up
It wont break down when you're around
But in the silence
Of the dark blue night the rooms fall apart
And the legs break forcefully
As the table is the first to start
This broken heart
You have held it together but i tear it down
I break it apart and break down this happiness
I ruin this bond; I ruin what is so perfect
What I am so much too fond
Ill push myself down
Ive given myself scars from this ground
I must rebuild what I have crushed dearly
No one notices
But I cry intensely to the noises
Of my own thoughts and voices
Ive fu**ed up, messed up
I cant stand up
I cant focus, cant sleep
Breaking this habit
Will only cause my heart to weep
This hurt is deep and steep into my heart
I can barely get out of bed to start
The day, for this chair is broken
Nowhere to sit, to relax, to eat
Starving and sleeping, rather than be awake
Unhappy, in this heat
These cracks cause the earthquake
Too paralyzed to grow
Ive never been so stuck, this I do not know
Youre holding me together
But if you knew, you would let me crack apart
And waste away
So I will let you hold together this table
And keep me stable
Until this table can no longer hold myself up
And fall and crash and take you with me
Im sorry, Im sorry, please just forgive me