Did She Ever Care?

I told myself every time.
She loves me.
She didn't mean it.
She cares.
But does she?

I'm sick and tired.
I can't stand it.
Not another lie.
Not another 'sorry.'

She doesn't mean them.
You can hear it in her voice.
You can see it in her eyes.

I cant hear that voice anymore.
I cant see those eyes anymore.
I'm done.
No more lies.
No more sorrys.

But I stay up at night wondering.
Did she ever care?
Was her voice always that cracking tone?
Did her eyes always have that glimmer?

All those years without knowing.
The thought of it makes me want to shrivel up.
It makes me regret all those years.
Was there ever a time she wasn't like that?
Did she fool everyone?
Or am I just gullible?

I see her in the halls at school.
She looks at me with those eyes.
She says "hi" with that voice.
It gives me a feeling inside.
A sad one that makes me miss her.
But also a happy one that is glad I'm moving on.