by Ares Apr 28, 2008
category :
Life, society /
faith, religion
I hear the sounds of waves and the sun, |
This is another poem filled with your knack for story telling, that also goes much deeper than that. Very good. Remember that 'I' is capitalized!!! and you are missing the word 'is' in the last line of the second stanza. This line: 'once they are sleeping i'll give them a kick.' isn't very poetic, I don't have any ideas of what you can change, I know it's hard to rhyme quick, but, give it a thought. Great job! |
by Goodbye
Oh, this is a lovely poem. Great job!! |