There was some parts that you could fix like just put a word in or take out. My advice i really don't give people them because i have mistakes to but just when you write a poem just reread it over before you submit it. but this was a good poem., just kinda hard to read the way it was put together but thats not always wrong either. :)

keep it up.
keep on writing.
love always and forever.

Thanx , very much , i am glade you liked it , i write it under pressure of my feelings , no mood or thinking to read it over at the time

Did you ever see someone 's heart crying = thats such a sad line!

keep writing xx