Comments : You must have had a broken heart

  • 16 years ago

    by Ash

    Excellent write. Simple but still able to convey your feelings. Every stanza was so perfect with the rhyming scheme working so well.

    I am just a normal girl like everyone
    Thinking that love is a big mystery
    Once you fall in there is no way to run
    And your heart will no longer be free

    ^^ It's a simple truth said but written down so well that when one thinks back it seems like a striking thought.

    It was true; love is not an easy game
    Love is something that raises you high
    And sometimes it makes you fall in pain
    Especially when it is all build upon a lie

    ^^Once again this is yet another well written piece - simple but still stating yet another fact of love...

    So I learn not to trust love anymore
    & never give it the ability to trap me again
    Because all it does is give me this sore
    That would wrap my heart like a chain

    ^^ I love the metaphor that you used here: "That would trap my heart like a chain". Just seemed so real at that instant and immediately added an image into my mind.

    Then come a day when I decide to try
    Because I found in him this warmness
    But every now and then he sees me cry
    And all he can do is to wonder and guess

    ^^ Should it not be: "Then came a day..."
    But once again well structured thoughts and simple words flowing freely in this stanza.

    So after he read that poem I shred
    He understood how it always starts
    Looking deep into my eyes he said
    You must have had a broken heart

    ^^ A nice ending.

  • 16 years ago

    by waiting 4 some1

    You should have waited till i post a poem lol.

    this poem is great and i understand your feelings and same as Ash i liked the choice of words in these lines

    "So I learn not to trust love anymore
    & never give it the ability to trap me again
    Because all it does is give me this sore
    That would wrap my heart like a chain"

  • 16 years ago

    by Prasad Baadkar

    Itz hard to see anyone dying of heartbreak n we end up spectators doing little or nothing for such persons.....

    N we all die of heartbreaks from broken friendships, untimely death of anyone closeest to us be it blood relation or not a blood relation... n sum relationships r not blood relationships but r more superior to blood relationships... n we all die of heartbreaks... n heartbreaks in like n love r more....

    Hope we invent one common language where there will be no heartbreak deaths......

    A person with a heartbreak is like aperson in coma... alive but long dead...

    N well begun is half done... n wen we laugh a lot itz that we will have to cry.... itz always like that with every single life..... All things come in parts like seasons...

    Nice one gIrL... C u mature with every write.. n one day u will b a gr8 writer...

    All d best for ur future writes to come...

    Karan

  • 16 years ago

    by Heba

    WOW, WHAT A GREAT POEM, BUT I THINK THAT YOU THINK TWICE AGAIN AND TRY TO TRYST IN LOVE AGAIN, WHO KNOWS , YOU MAY GET MUSH BETTER