You are the poison that fills my veins
The one who will steal my last breath
In this speeding car, switching lanes
To get to you, like an addict to meth

I love this stanza...it's wonderful...this is a very beautiful poem.

I like the flow of this piece. Overall, this is truly passionate and intense, greatly written poem. I think that you expressed your emotions fantastically.

- You are the poison that fills my veins
The one who will steal my last breath
In this speeding car, switching lanes
To get to you, like an addict to meth-
^^^
Very effective beginning. Nice rhymes and captivating start for the piece. The intensity of your emotions is truly highlighted by your creative descriptions.

- To hold you and breathe you in
For a night of bad decisions and desire
More lustful than I have ever been
I'm a ticking bomb, begging you to cut the wrong wire-
^^^
I like this stanza a lot, it is really powerful. Every line contains overwhelming feelings that even the reader can absorb in a way. This is my favorite stanza of the poem, I love every line.

- Listen to the ticking, the sound of my heart
It slows and speeds at the feel of your hands
As you caress my lips the world falls apart
With every breath of your scent my heart expands-
^^^
Another great stanza; I especially like the third line that reveals powerful culmination of your feelings. Impressive.

- Hold me closer, I will feel your pulse
To show how alive we are as your heart quickens
Close your eyes, learn to decide on impulse
As the blood in your body thickens-
^^^
There's one thing that bothered me here: You repeated the line with quickening of heart- you had something very similar in the third stanza. Maybe that line should be revised a bit. Anyway, this is good ending to this piece but I really wish it was longer because it is very enjoyable read.

Just one more suggestion: You should add some punctuation signs through the poem to create more powerful rhythm.

Overall, this was truly amazing and refreshing.

5/5 from me

To hold you and breathe you in
For a night of bad decisions and desire
More lustful than I have ever been
I'm a ticking bomb, begging you to cut the wrong wire

adorable

OMG this is sooo good! i swear... yo u blew me away.. i'm not even kidding.. everythin rhyme and it's so cool how you describe ur feelings for him.. especially wen u said about the ticking bomb... i was like whoa...
there's nothing negative about this.. no mistakes.. well written =]

All I can say is that this is sweet,bitter,emo,sad,loving,dark and a fantastic work of art! I loved every word

A very sensual and heartfelt write.True longing is expressed very well in this poem,sexy but classy! excellent job.

"The tasteless"
Thank you for your comment however I must correct you and say that I feel as if you have misunderstood the first stanza of my poem.

"You are the poison that fills my veins
The one who will steal my last breath"

By the last line I mean that he will be the one beside me as I die, as in, our last breath will be spent together. Perhaps that "steal" is the wrong word to use here which is something I didn't think about.