What You See VS. the Real Me

Truth is,
I joke around for your attention,
and I laugh along so your words do not hurt me.

I talk a lot because no one is listening to me.
I'm funny so you will like me.

I act care free so I do not seem so sensitive.
And I only seem ignorant because I do not want you to know that I hear what you say about me.

I listen to music all the time because I fear that if I hear anymore of what you say, I may breakdown.

I smile so you ignore the sadness in my eyes.

I act confident so you don't know I'm afraid of your rejection.
I'm outgoing because otherwise no one will come to me.

I show independence so you don't know that the loneliness of not belonging, of not fitting in, not having having a group of friends to call my own, actually bothers me.

I show you this fakeness because that's who I wish I could be.
But if you could step inside my mind, could you tell me you still know me?
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