Moon-Doused Memories

by BrokenREALiTy   May 1, 2008


"And here's to happy endings, and their ridiculous sense of purpose."
Glistening beads of champagne hummed, flooding the edges of a frail glass,
Flowing through her tattered words, dusting them with blemished stains of ink.
Arid dimples danced across the darkened parchment, tainted by a lasting glow,
Depicting two desperate shadows lolled within each other's arms.

(He whispered words he'd never felt, triggered by a poison surging through his veins,
A soundless lexis whispered through his gaze that concealed her own unrest.)

Visions of a velvet crimson swathed her, wrinkled against his sheets,
A silent flicker of moon-doused light seeped through their tattered window.
One peek beyond the private dream revealed a blotted sky--
The fallen stars distorted splendor, as they bathed her muffled screams.
(Remnants of a shattered feat infected by their broken dreams)
�©20080430 Mindy Huang

*My personal release, so it's not meant to impress.
**A work in progress. I know, it's awkward like most of my other works. The big flaws that really stick out, I just don't know how to fix. So I posted it here.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by SuicideNotes2Poems

    Ummm...... waw.
    i liked it, it was confusing at times and i dont think i understood the whole thing but it was still good. i loved the beginning, up untill....."Visions of a velvet crimson swathed her....." after that you kinda lost me.
    but the use of words paints a picture in your head of whats going on, you just have to explain a little bit more.
    nice. keep it up. =]

  • 16 years ago

    by eehcuhhhz

    First,
    I believe you should fix your format.
    It'd be easier to read.

    Also I found no rhythm in this.
    They're just... well, a bunch of words.

    What I do admire about this poem,
    Although it's quite chaotic,
    I like the vocabulary use and the details.

    I loved the metaphors, for example, poison through his vains.
    I was thinking that it was alcohol.
    But I'm pretty sure alcohol doesn't go through vains.

  • 16 years ago

    by Kaila

    OoOoOo...
    Again the imagery and all of the descriptive words
    really hit this poem out of the ball park for me
    it was phenomenal
    I really enjoyed the second stanza
    it just had a certain flare to it
    nice work
    5.5

  • 16 years ago

    by WrittenInTheStars

    First of all I must tell you that your word choice and the way you place your words in this poem is amazing. I also think that the descriptions are great and the poem as a whole is just beautiful. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Jennifer RIP Lesthat Hayden

    Ooo nice job. So far it is the best I have read dealing with the poem of the week. I love the words you used and the description was just great. Five for sure.

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