Concrete Clouds

I love the wording you used for this. It's very beautiful work. Good job.

Although it sounded quite beautiful.

I didn't understand what you intro meant.
I was stuck there for a couple of minutes
Until I decided to continue on...

I like your format in this poem.
It's predictable with unpredictability.
If that make sense.

For example:
The body (middle) only has line each.

It went out smoothly out the mouth.

This is going to make me sound really stupid.

But I didn't understand what you were saying at all.

I'm a person that tries to picture poetry.
But I couldn't imagine this one.

Maybe I just didn't spend enough time trying to understand it.
Or I'm just really stupid, or something.

But..
I just don't get it.

Crap. I wrote this long comment then got logged out.
Okay, I loved the title. It goes with the poem, it's unique, and doesn't give anything away. I like that.
The beginning immediately drew me in with the "music boxes" metaphor. Though I don't like the word "as" in there. That kind of threw me off while reading it. Maybe something like "into" or "of" Just a suggestion.
I also loved the format of this poem. the short separate lines were very dramatic with the questioning.

"Lanterns burned down
our concrete clouds."

^^For some reason it sounds better to me as "burn" instead of "burned". Jsut a suggestion.

Overall, I really liked this piece. I am still amazed with the title of it. BRAVO!
5/5
~Lace

The format is very interesting. I must admit I immediately looked up the word "malevolent" because I had no idea what it meant. I think it's beautifully written from beginning to end. I wish I could say more, but I don't understand what the narrator is saying sometimes. I'll give an example.

"Timeless hands froze carnal mystifications"

Shine with power of amethyst dawns,
circling with fragrant delusions, embracing
tales weaved with moonlit needles.

Bestial thunderstorms shape
sacrilege- my addiction- of
inflamed claws which lacerate dreams;

Detuned communication
locked frail translations;
Lanterns burned down
our concrete clouds.

most beautifully written............