I don't want to live

Tears fall down my cheeks,
What is happening to me?
Pain is what my heart feels
How come nobody can see?

Everything means nothing,
I feel so utterly low,
Hold my hand tightly-
Dont you dare let it go.

Where is the end of this road?
I need to know where I belong
Cause nothing feels right,
This stupid road is far too long.

I'm so scared for my family
Cause my furture is so bleak,
But how do I hold on for them
When I feel so empty and weak?

I don't mean to be selfish
But this pain is all about me
And so is this hole I am in
But soon I know I will be free.

Dont feel sorry for me-
I deserve to be like this,
I am a bad person, the devil made me,
So it should never be me that you miss.

This world has nothing for me
And I have nothing left to give-
My life has crumbled at my feet,
I cant do this, I dont want to live.

Tears of relief will fall
When I take my final breath
Then the pain will leave my heart
As I meet my long awaited death.

(written 2007)