Comments : Beauty Unfolded

  • 16 years ago

    by eehcuhhhz

    The sherbert.
    To be quite honest, I'm kind of cravin' one right now...
    Other than that.

    I'm sorry.
    I just found this completely boring.
    It seemed as though you just explained,
    And explained, and explained.

    It felt like a geography book for me.

    :[

    But still,
    Nicely written.
    I can't downvote you just because I'm narrowminded.

    I'll be critiquing you in grammar, punctuation, rhyme and/or rhythm.

    First line,
    I believe that's a big generalization.
    For I, for one, believe the world is a beautiful thing.

    Other than that.
    It's fine the way it is.
    I wouldn't call it perfect
    Cuz you really didn't get my attention.
    But rhyme, rhythm, grammar, and puctuation
    Are all okay :]

  • 16 years ago

    by michelle

    I love it! well done! it's really descriptive and it flows beautifully!
    Keep it up!

  • 16 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    You have painted with words a heavenly picture of natural beautity that moves the spirit. You are a great poet

  • 16 years ago

    by Lisa

    That was absolutely inspired
    loved every sentence
    great work!
    God bless you
    Lisa

  • 16 years ago

    by NinjaGirl

    Another magnificent nature write from you! a brilliant rhyme and flow, once more. wonderfully written as well.
    i don't think the last two lines were really needed, but it was still very well penned.

    Together they make up a breathtaking place,
    As the wind whispers words with wondrous grace.
    ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
    truly breathtaking lines. my favourite part of the whole poem.

    5/5

    Keep Writing, hun
    As Always,
    ~NinjaGirl~

  • 16 years ago

    by expressivechild

    This is a beautiful one. I really like your use of language in this. Btw, thanks for correcting me on my spelling and grammatical errors. I wrote that poem a long time ago yet I didn't notice the mistake I made! Haha.. :p

  • 16 years ago

    by Normal is the Watchword

    I'm not a fan of the opening, it made the reader feel as though they were only reading the poem, though had you such beautiful descriptions of nature, it felt as though being told about it rather than seeing it if you get what I mean.

    People might say is the phrase that shows that you are going to hear a poem and not take part in it, so is using the word that in the sentence after as though you need to explain the first line.