I'm not a fool

by Kaila   May 3, 2008


Bleeding ears cannot take this abuse
your lies they fill my head and I storm
Storm out of myself and become you
raging and screaming in anger I do

Think about me once for a change
do you see me rattled and broken
lying here for days waiting for a chance
someone to love me and hold me

will you ever apologize for your criticize
that you spin on me day after day
say to me dear great one what makes you great
what makes you so high and mighty

do you even see me standing here
pleading and begging for your love
or am I dead in your eyes
like the hearts you have killed before

please oh great one tell me how I am
because I don't hear your mouth enough
punish me with your words use them like a belt
hit me with each adjective as if I were dying

I'm sure you wouldn't care though would you
oh great one please enlighten me with your words
tell me what it is that I am doing so wrong
bring to silence and let my bleeding ears ring

ringing of your comments and your lies
just to put me down well I'm no fool
manipulate and discriminate make you strong
well let me tell you your wrong oh but your always right

**My first spoken word also

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Gizmo

    Criticize- possibly should be critisim.?

    should adjective not be objective?

    ^ just a few sugestions.

    secondly, no punctuation, you need grammar for a poem like this is order to get the whole beat and rhyme of it down to a tee, for the reader.

    the concept of the poem and the story behind it is something that has been written over and over and over again, ive said this to a lot of people lately.. make your unique!

    don't take nay of that ^ wrong, its constructive critism.

  • 16 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    "Bleeding ears cannot take this abuse
    your lies they fill my head and I storm
    Storm out of myself and become you
    raging and screaming in anger I do"

    ^^ well written... 'bleeding ears'.. brilliant..
    U repeated 'storm' here, may u should change that...

    "I'm sure you wouldn't care though would you
    oh great one please enlighten me with your words
    tell me what it is that I am doing so wrong
    bring to silence and let my bleeding ears ring"

    ^^ this very heartfelt... very emotional... i could feel the pain , the frustration reflected by these lines...

    overall..a good write..

  • 16 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    This is really good i enjoyed reading this was very strongly put together, keep this good work up xx

  • 16 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    Bleeding ears cannot take this abuse
    your lies they fill my head and I storm
    Storm out of myself and become you
    raging and screaming in anger I do
    `I find that you like to repeat a lot -- I don't know whether it's intentional, but it takes away from the piece. "They" is not needed -- and the rhyme of you and do ... it's just weird. Forced.

    will you ever apologize for your criticize
    `critiques -- grammar mistake . Either way, it doesn't soud quite right. Thesaurus time!

    do you even see me standing here
    pleading and begging for your love
    or am I dead in your eyes
    like the hearts you have killed before
    `Stunning choice of words. They're very powerful -- and the pain is just busting out of these lines. Favourite stanza, by far. It's so emotionally beautiful.

    please oh great one tell me how I am
    because I don't hear your mouth enough
    `Hm, I adore the mockery, but "oh great one" ... Better choice of words, m'dear? It just sounds too funky and overdramatic.

    Just work on it -- edit a little here and there, and I know this piece will be much better than it is. Well done tho :)

    --..MiNDYY

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