To be honest, I dont like how misconstrued the rhyme scheme was in this. Other than that it was ace.

Favorite lines were "So I shouted that "the world's a cold place and you're the only person I've ever met who's known how to light a fire."

There's a lot in this that's hidden and mixed up and all at the same time blunt. There are romantic references along with sexual. You did an immense job in displaying his apathy and your intense need to prove yourself. Your vocabulary was also quite simple but fit quite well with all of the things you were trying to get out.

The form in this is sketchy, but for some reason I think this might have been a hurried/rushed poem. I dont know why. Maybe because it reads fast for me.

Anyway, amazing job.