I have to

I hold in my tears
as I stare blankly into the screen
Thinking, 'this is one of my biggest fears,
this is so obscene

Thinking of all the things that I've put you through
sitting there, not knowing what to do
Thinking that this was one of my biggest mistakes
Wishing that I didn't hurt you, making your heart brake

Thinking of all of your pain
As I look at myself in the mirror, watching myself as I slowly go insane
I finally start to break down
as my tears start to fall, I never made a sound

Trying so hard to be strong
Knowing that I've done you wrong
Knowing how you really feel
Wanting to fix your wounds, helping them heal

Now I'm just one big crying mess
Wishing that you could think of me less
I close my eyes
HATING myself as I know that I have to say goodbye

Knowing that's the best thing for you
Hating myself so much for what I've put you through
Having to punish myself for what I had done wrong
Wanting somewhere to go, somewhere to belong

Walking into my room, closing the door
Grabbing that piece of glass, falling to the floor
Trying so hard not to cry
Thinking to myself how much I want to die

Leaving gashes on my legs and arms
My piece of glass works like a charm
Not liking how I deal
But what does it matter? It's how I feel

I hear rings, and I realize it's the phone
I figure out that I'm no longer alone
I pick it up, knowing it's you
Not wanting to say this, but I know what I have to do

"Hey,... is there some where we can go together to walk?
There's something that you need to know, (sigh) we need to talk"

(C) Scarlet Razor