When the neighbors hear my screams

by she   May 5, 2008


Bloody bruises
Blackened eyes
Pathetic screams
Sorrow filled cries
Shame and rage
Hidden well beneath my loving eyes.
These eyes that will never meet yours
to humiliated to show that they have been beaten
These family secretes I will keep,
You will never know that I am truly weak
You will never know I have been forced to the ground, forced to my knees, forced to beg, and even plead.
You will never know what lies beyond the white picked fence,you will never know that this happy family is simply pretence

needs improvment, please help!

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Your work is always so sad hunny. one day you will be changing all these poems into feelings of being free and happy i know you wil xxxx

  • 16 years ago

    by neo

    I WOULD LOVE to print this out, and create a colab MAY I??

  • 16 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    Hmm.. well right now, it seems more like a paragraph than a poem. I think you need to add some better descriptive words. The flow is a bit off.. I think you should make the rest of the poem flow like the first line.

    for they now know that I have been bad.
    ^^I don't like the word bad here. I think you could chang it... "Each dark spot, represents something wrong that I've done" <--- that's just an example of what it could be. Just a suggestion though.

    When the neighbors hear my screams,
    I feel so pathetic and stupid,
    ^^Hmm.. "When the neighbors hear my screams, I know I've let someone down". I don't know if that's what you were going for.. haha. I, myself, am suffering from writer's block.

    for they now know, I have been put face down, I have been beaten, I am weak.
    ^^"I will walk with my head down, my spirit and body beaten. I am weak.". Wow.. okay.. I seriously have writer's block and that probably doesn't help very much. I'm sorry. >< I tried.

    What I do think you need to do is make this longer.. maybe go into detail with the beatings.

    Keep writing!
    Cayce

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