Comments : Liquid Diamonds

  • Wow...nice work and keep it up!

  • 16 years ago

    by Tammie

    Okay so I have my own perception of this.. I have no idea if it's right or wrong but I guess that doesn't really matter, I still loved it.
    The title brought me in, not so telling, but hmm.. intreguing. I like it.
    'Tasteful,
    they are.
    Though I'll admit;
    they're not you.'
    That, my dear, was an excellent beginning. The flow in which I read it was catchy and straight away the reader can think what they want of it. And they know that this is about someone that can't really be compared to anything, relatable.
    Second stanza - Well.. at first I thought these liquid diamonds were tears. Then I think it's a metaphor type thing [great way of saying it, I know lol] for drugs. Either way, I like it.
    The third stanza was interesting. You created the image in my mind here, and although it wasn't a long stanza filled with details, from the ones you gave, it created a detailed image in my mind. That's talent. Well done. I also like the way you worded the last line. If someone else wrote it, it wouldn't sound as good as it did there.
    You tied this all together very nicely at the end. I like the way you had the quotes in each stanza, linking it back to the girls best friend theme, and the title, and also to the first stanza of comparison.

    This is quite a unique piece you have here. More proof of your amazing talent. Excellent job. :] 5/5

    Tammie xo

  • 16 years ago

    by Nix

    I must say first of all I think that you shouldn't capitalize letters after commas because on that way you lowered intensity of other lines where you need to use full stop.

    -Tasteful,
    they are.
    Though I'll admit;
    they're not you. -

    ^Amazing opening stanza, you honestly captured my attention with unusual structure.
    Very refreshingly written, personally I would put punctuation signs on different order but just my personal opinion.

    -Liquid diamonds caress taste buds,
    Poisoning venom to veins of blood,
    "Diamonds are a girls best friend"
    She whispered....
    Mixed with cocaine based addiction.-

    ^Great stanza, truly unique and very memorable. You expressed emotions on remarkable way and you have very impressionable twist in the atmosphere of whole piece.

    -Glamorous visions compliment her mind,
    Spotlights dance light upon sweet face,
    Mesmerized by the mirrors of fine glory,
    "Completed"..... or so she thought.
    Though not me, not I. Not without you. -

    ^Very interesting, it almost seemed to me that you have two metaphors here, anyway truly original lines, I like them a lot.

    -Formication lost within your touch,
    Licking salty wounds caressing eyes,
    "Diamonds aren't a girls best friend"
    I'll whisper....
    After all they don't compare to you. -

    ^And with this ending you left huge impression on me! Wow, I didn't expected that, truly powerful, very emotional and vivid ending.

    I love this poem, it is very captivating and it simply impressed me on few ways, I think that you also built great imagery and mix that with descriptions of emotions, truly greatly created piece.

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Honestly, this is not one of my favorite pieces from you but I still like it a lot.

    - Tasteful,
    they are.
    Though I'll admit;
    they're not you.-
    ^^^
    Interesting beginning. It confused me at first but when I re-read the poem it made more sense. Rhythm of this stanza is very effective with these broken lines.

    - Liquid diamonds caress taste buds,
    Poisoning venom to veins of blood,
    "Diamonds are a girls best friend"
    She whispered....
    Mixed with cocaine based addiction.-
    ^^^
    You had the word 'tasteful' in the first stanza, then 'taste buds' here so the repetition of the similar words threw me off a bit. Also, you don't need 'a' in the third line. It should be -"Diamonds are girl's best friend".-
    I like the last line of this stanza a lot, it is powerful and it holds the meaning that sums up this stanza greatly.

    - Glamorous visions compliment her mind,
    Spotlights dance light upon sweet face,
    Mesmerized by the mirrors of fine glory,
    "Completed"..... or so she thought.
    Though not me, not I. Not without you.-
    ^^^
    This is my favorite stanza of the poem. I love the imagery that you created, you portrayed every line with creative adjectives and whole stanza is truly detailed. Your choice of words here is remarkable. I like the last line a lot, it holds fantastic meaning.

    - Formication lost within your touch,
    Licking salty wounds caressing eyes,
    "Diamonds aren't a girls best friend"
    I'll whisper....
    After all they don't compare to you. -
    ^^^
    Great choice of words and superb message. I think that you don't need 'a' in the third line but other than that I really like how you ended this poem. I like how you connected this stanza to the second one, it's very powerful.

    Overall, 5/5 from me.

  • 16 years ago

    by disturbed one

    Im hopeless lol :)

    Each of your poems are very amazing and you clearly put alot of work into them :D keep doin what your doin