Sleeping Child

Wow, Mel...

Beauty of this piece is so captivating. I' speechless in a way. This poem is filled with so many overwhelming emotions that brought tears in my eyes. I like the beginning line a lot, it pulled me straight into the poem and I was truly interested to read more.

- The halo above your head reaches a little higher,
Your strength becomes lost as you dream yet again,
White clouds drift upon a withered bed of daisy's,
Slowly your breath becomes short, lost once more.-
^^^
Amazing and heartfelt stanza which holds equal amounts of heartbreaking sadness and captivating beauty. I like your choice of words a lot and the imagery that you created brought me to completely different world. I could clearly picture whole stanza unfolding in front of me which is impressive. I especially love the third line.

- Smile baby girl, you've opened your vibrant eyes,
Soon you'll be catching the butterflies you seek,
We'll run around in fields as soon as your better,
I promise I wont let you go, You'll always be mine,-
^^^
your in the third line should be you're
Another fantastic stanza. You portrayed whole scene greatly. Emotions fill every line and the whole atmosphere is stunning.

-
Sing to me darling, your voice captures eternity,
Let's not fall asleep, stay awake a little longer,
Flutters from your eye lids melt my aching heart,
"Hush now darling" I pinky promise to see you soon.-
^^^
This stanza is my favorite one, every word in it seem perfectly picked and it is so vivid. I could truly feel the emotions here. The first line is endlessly beautiful "your voice captures eternity "- incredible description. I like the ending line a lot, too, it's simple yet so emotional.

Awww that really is touhing to read it really is so sad. it flowed very well making it very more easy to read and keeping the reader attached to the poem and getting more drawn in with every line.

this really moved me, please keep writing xx

This is a mix of a lot of things to me. Beauty, sadness, hope and love. It touched my heart in all those ways. Not because I can relate, but because it brought out all those emotions within me as I read your words, making it seem as though I was in a room watching this happen like you described it. It really did, and that definately means you did a wonderful job of creating the scene and emotion in this piece.
There is not one thing I don't like about this. It's delicate, yet the hope is so strong. [I took this as the girl is sick and the hope is there for her to get better. Not sure though.]
I like the way in not only this, but a lot of your poetry you let the reader be able to bring what they want out of it, instead of explaining it all so straight forward.
The simple things - your vocab and flow are flawless and I love the quotations yet again. It makes this so personal. I sung the first line in my head as I read it, made me giggle at first.
And the last line - just damn cute. It made me smile with the 'pinky promise'.

Another amazing poem here, Mel. :] 5/5

Tammie xo

Wow... such a sweet write...
so beautifully expressed..

"Hush now darling don't say a word"

^^ beautiful starting...

Smile baby girl, you've opened your vibrant eyes,
Soon you'll be catching the butterflies you seek,
We'll run around in fields as soon as your better,
I promise I wont let you go, You'll always be mine,

^^ how sweet...the wish that you would run around in the feilds again...
have fun again ... really touched me..

Sing to me darling, your voice captures eternity,
Let's not fall asleep, stay awake a little longer,
Flutters from your eye lids melt my aching heart,
"Hush now darling" I pinky promise to see you soon.

^^I found these lines very touching... the last line is simply Beautiful...

"Shh, I'm here"

"Shh, I'll always be here"

^^ the pause makes the poem even more wonderful to read...

Excellent write...

Love it.....that all i have to say