Comments : My Teary Eyed Demise

  • 16 years ago

    by Spoken Silence

    "Letting go of forever"

    First of all the first line in your poem is very powerful I like it. its good.

    "I look in your direction
    Hoping to catch your stare"

    I like this, its so innocent and it flows very well with the poem.

    "Just be mine once more
    For my heart is yours to take
    I'm tired of the tears
    I'm tired of the ache"

    This stanza is really good, so honest so pure. Sounds like a child begging for something they want, yet its complex in a matter.

    "I love you all too much
    It rips me in two
    Do you not feel what I feel?
    Please tell me it isn't true"

    I like the flow of this stanza its simple but gets the job done right.

    "With my hands in my pockets
    My eyes narrowed to the ground
    I await your beautiful voice
    Yet I hear not even a sound"

    Perfect imagery in this stanza very very nice. Good I like this stanza very much. I can really picture this in my mind.

    "If you happened to be wondering
    Your love was my greatest prize
    But without it I can't help but feel
    All so near to my teary eyed demise "

    Perfect ending, it sounded sweet yet it still maintained what you were trying to say in this poem. It was very well written, I enjoyed reading this. I'll read more of your stuff. You should check out some of my poetry. ;)

  • 16 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Aww thats great well done xx