Comments : Ocean

  • 16 years ago

    by Jaklynn

    Hi, I really like this poem! your style is really unique and refreshing, and this poem was really powerful, i feel like i was experiencing your feelings as I was reading it...i loved the metaphors too, especially your choice of words with the ocean.

    I really like your poem, 5/5. Keep up the great work!

  • 16 years ago

    by Spoken Silence

    I like this poem. Its very emotional and deep.

    "I know of a thousand blenching starts
    forever, they fight against the one's who'll win."

    I like how you ended the first stanza with this. Its very powerful and different from other poems I've read before. It shows me a picture in my mind which is great imagery in your poetry.

    "...I had a sour illusion
    ...inside my mind a fusion
    ...Qualms & confusions."

    Perfect rhyme scheme with, "Illusion" , "Fusion" and "confusions" Not many people use a AAAB rhyme scheme the normal rhyme scheme would be ABAB for example. So I like the fact and you used something different than normal poets.

    "I'm not strong enough
    to cross this ocean alone."

    I like the honesty in this part of the stanza. good work.

    "How far would i reach
    drifting on my own?"

    Again more honesty in the same stanza, which is a very good thing. I like this.

    "I know I'm not one of them
    who's backs i recognize
    from a distance,"

    I like the soft subtile imagery your creating in this start of the stanza.

    "..Lived life for a deception
    ...now on the other side of affection
    ...the hopeful part of a dejection"

    Another one of your AAAB rhyme schemes. Very good, as I said I like the fact that you do something different.

    "These broken wings,
    still bold enough
    to ride the ocean's winds."

    More imagery which I love in this poem.

    "...Farther and farther,I keep on falling..."

    This ending was perfect, just one single line to end a poem. I love this poem you did a great job on this. Keep up the good work and I enjoyed reading this. You should check out some of my poetry sometime. Good work!

  • 16 years ago

    by Ash

    An amazing piece of work and your style is really unique. Every line just fell into place and the whole tone was set out straight from the start. Keep it up! 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Keep going, this is great work xx

  • 16 years ago

    by S R P

    I really enjoyed this poem. It was a great piece, and honestly, I didn't see anywhere where it could be improved. My favourite part:

    "...I had a sour illusion
    ...inside my mind a fusion
    ...Qualms & confusions.
    ...of the post and where it ends"

    The unique style and flow made it a very enjoyable read. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Savannah Kate

    Omg... ths is gorgeaous. you are an amazing writer.

  • 16 years ago

    by Miss Behaving

    So sad, the words are so touching.. It is easy to picture what is going on in the poem and makes me feel helpless in a way >.< Maybe because I can relate with the feeling of being alone and wishing someone was there to help. At those times it's always nice to have a friend to talk to. They listen and make life easier =)

    Very well written poem and very touching. 5/5 Keep up the awesome work. ^.^