Just a Dream...Thank God!

by XxxBeenThereRockedThatxxX   May 9, 2008


You called my name
I didn't look back
I just kept walking
I wanted so badly to turn back and see you.
But I didn't
What's wrong?

~LATER~

I finally found the courage
To say your name
I called it
You didn't answer
You ignored me like the wind brushing through your bangs...

~END~

The dream was weird....awful.....made me wanna call you up,say your name and wait for you to answer...to know it wasn't true.
It felt as if we were drifting away with no intention to do so.
Why?....it's the only question left to ask...

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by H E Losey

    A very nice write, that could be an excellent one(I think). A couple of commas in spots would be OK but your choice(I have punctuation probs also). I think if you reread this and worked at making the last stanza more conforming in format with the others it would excell. I'm not saying to change the words just perhaps the structure, you might even end up with another stanza. As always just my humble opinion. If you would care to read/rate any of mine I would be proud, but just read a few wether you rate them or not. Live long, love well.

  • 16 years ago

    by WrittenInTheStars

    ** Just a little side note to start. This comment is not bashing your poem, I'm just giving you ideas to make it better. **

    I think that a few lines in this poem are too wordy. For example: Inside I wanted so bad to look back and see you.... Instead you could say: I wanted so badly to turn back and see you. Just an idea.. Also this line is really bugging me: "made me wanna call you up" It should read it made we want to call you up. Sorry I'm just a stickler for grammar..

    Personally I think this poem was way too short. The ending just came out of nowhere. Maybe you could kind of foreshadow the fact that it's a dream.

    Also, punctuation. This poem hardly has any punctuation. If you were to go back and add commas and periods etc where they should be it would make it so much easier to read.

    The whole idea behind this is really good, you just need to fix the poem up a little to project it better. Gook luck hunn.

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