I've lived in solitude for so long
I've forgotten how to feel anything
Its so strange to feel this way
It's almost the same as saying I hate what I want
Truly this is something not everyone deals with
You think you want something so bad
But your head keeps saying no instead
Telling yourself yes but your head says think again
I feel like my thoughts are attacking me
Because I know what I want in my heart
And my mind keeps beating it down
To the point where it now says I'm no longer getting up
I feel as though I am sick to my stomach
Even though what I want is not bad at all
But the conditioning of my thoughts tell me
To get what I want will make me sick instead
All in all I know that my heart has been put down to many times
It no longer has the will to go up against my common sense
But it really doesn't go away. Leaving me with a sick feeling inside
My heart keeps telling me what I want just so that my thoughts can kill it again
