Stop pretending you don't see it;
I'd rather hear the truth.
You're fighting a losing battle
cause I'm wearing all the proof.
Love handles come to my defense.
Have you seen my abs of steel?
No, because I do not have them
and I never, ever will.
Let the mirror be the judge.
Your Honor, am I thick or thin?
"I'd say you're on the heavy side,
judging by the skin you're in."
Do you have any last words?
Will you call up your defense?
Or will you realize your argument
never made any sense?
I'd like to call my thighs to the stand.
When was the last you were apart?
"We're sorry, we aren't certain, ma'am,
but we've been touching from the start!"
Should I call up my arms
or have you had enough?
Are you willing to admit
that I caught you in your bluff?
If you have no farther objections;
if it would please the court...
please, do not call me thin.
I'm not "skinny" of any sort.
