You're on your own......

I loved the ending because it was packed with power. Great message behind you words. Well done/

The rhythm's off.

That's easily fixed, though.

You can keep the syllables close to one another.

For example:
The next you're in pain
Kinda funny though

Those are same syllables.
But the next line

The way everything can turn out as perfect as you can get it

That just ruined it.

I pictured..
Someone talking slowly
Then, quickly (can't understand the words quickly)

You can put in punctuation.
It helps.
You let the readers know where
to speed up, slow down on the poem.

In my opinion. You need to fix your format.

It's not bad. It's just hard to read.

Good poem

I liked this poem. It feels like someone's just talking about something, and it's just whatever thoughts they have. Makes an interesting flow.

Only thing, is on about 3 of the lines there wasn't enough space, so went to another line. When it does that, it breaks up the flow of the poem. For those parts you might want to try doing something different, different way of saying it, or way to keep thought together.

Although i usualy prefer poems with stanzas, yours was really good without. there wasnt really a flow but i think it worked really well anyway. overall - a very good poem 5/5

suicidal love xx