That little girl

by MERCY is never shown   May 12, 2008


You watch that girl walking alone
you know there is something wrong
but you just drive on home
what would you do if you found out
you were the one that she needed
you could have helped her if you had asked
you could have saved her from her past
but you left her there alone
knowing what she planned to do
knowing it was over knowing she was through
she beared scars to mark her years
her faced stained with permanent tears
she had her mind set to end it all
hoping someone would be there
to tell her what she needed to hear
in her death there would be no release
but more pain and terror
than she tried to escape

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  • 15 years ago

    by AngelicDecadence

    You watch that girl walking alone
    you know there is something wrong
    but you just drive on home

    ^I like the intro it tells the beginning of a story and makes the reader want to know what's wrong so they read more.

    what would you do if you found out
    you were the one that she needed
    you could have helped her if you had asked
    you could have saved her from her past

    ^I like this, it makes the reader almost feel guilty, almost as if they've done something wrong, when they haven't, and you're not even talking about them. The emotions expressed here are wonderful, well done.

    but you left her there alone
    knowing what she planned to do
    knowing it was over knowing she was through
    she beared scars to mark her years

    ^"beared" is supposed to be "bared"

    her faced stained with permanent tears
    she had her mind set to end it all
    hoping someone would be there
    to tell her what she needed to hear
    in her death there would be no release
    but more pain and terror
    than she tried to escape

    ^Than should be Then. This part was sad.

    It was well done. That's all I can say really (:

  • 16 years ago

    by unspokken

    I so loved it.
    Especially liked the part:
    she beared scars to mark her years
    her faced stained with permanent tears.
    My favorite sentences.

  • 16 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Loved it, very deep poem, well done take kare keep writing more x

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