Falling apart for the world

Stab! stab! stab!
Two days into the week and things have already started to come thundering down.

Want to cry and let it out... begging to actually see you instead of having something half planned and be in a rescue me situation to everyone else..

What can I do... torn between you and my friends.... happiness and doing what I can for them... always choosing them and putting them before what i want or what i desperately and hopelessly need.

Harder and harder to hold back the tears.... the words of what's going wrong. I honestly need to be around you right now...

I don't want to collapse in a heap for the world to See
to feel cold and o so alone...
to feel like I've achieved nothing of value...
to feel horribly lost, and on the verge of falling
don't want to be in this state where it all hangs on one thing...one horribly small and slim thing.

Trying to remain strong... trying to face the day with all smiles... throw on the mascara... good reason not to cry...