Haunted Hearts

Interesting word choice. I love this poem. I felt like I understood this one more better than I did your other one. The words were a bit more simpler and easier to understand. :] It takes practice I guess to understand what big words mean. Hah. Again, I'm giving a 5/5 for such effort. One thing that really stood out that I loved was the repeated beginning and end. Neat idea. Excellent write.

This was unique a style ive never read before but loved it you pulled it off...

and i wanted to say.. thank you for writing this piece...

His pride blindfolded tomorrows
composing intros of what ifs,
and his lies... they soaked
our black and white fields.

this was.. amazing.. great write

Dark stuff... Like most of your poetry, I understand very little, but there is something mystical that asks me to reach out, and when I do, it escapes from my grasp...

"Words
drip
like
icy
petals."
A chilling effect that embroiders the poem like feathered frost lace, both at the beginning and at the end. "Drip" is a particulary strange verb here, it gathers emotion and pours it out at "petals" which is a softer word. Nice.

Stanza 1: Odd choice of words (martyr and myopic). Not bad or anything, just... odd. I'm most likely way off track, but I'm guessing that the message is... do not suffer for the little things? 0.o

Stanza 2:
"His rage metamorphosed into deities,
horned gods of authentic damnation"
Bold. Really bold. I can HEAR a death-like opera-istic hymn echoing off the golden walls of a looming cathedral. These two lines are stronger than Zeus.
"and his ignorance... it evolved
to reach the branches of our solemn sky"
Absolutely no idea what that means. He is angry, yet he does not know the whole truth... and no one ever will?

"Universe's headphones emit broken notes."
And a god - no, an entity - cries for this tragedy no one will know of. I like this line most of all. Strangely, "headphones" work remarkably well with "universe". How do you match the words together like that?

Stanza 3: How does pride compose intros of what ifs? Isn't that rather hope, instead of pride?
"and his lies... they soaked
our black and white fields."
It reminds me of a title of a something I read once: Different Shades of Memory. I also saw an image of inky parchment, drenched in water so you couldn't tell the ink from the parchment. I think these were the most poetic lines in this piece. They provoke lots of thought and ambiguity, but somehow you still get the message across.

Stanza 4: Very dark. It's like saying, "dream all you want, but remember that they can only ever be dreams." But it's true. Sometimes, hopes can dig up secrets that are better left forgotten, and the risk of failure that looms over you might loom too low and when you finally see it, it is already too late and its darkness has already engulfed you...

Like I said many times: dark poem. And, from a further point of view, devastatingly tragic, because we're all so buried in our hopes and dreams and everyday lives that we'll never ever realize... Great work, as usual!

-Words
drip
like
icy
petals.-

^Very interesting opening stanza, I like the rhythm which you built with broken tone.

-Do not sketch martyr butterflies
with obscure fingertips,
crawling
over clouds of myopic malevolence.-

^I must say this is very remarkable, whole description is impressive and I think that it holds very deep meaning.

-His rage metamorphosed into deities,
horned gods of authentic damnation,
and his ignorance... it evolved
to reach the branches of our solemn sky.-

^Wow! This is endlessly powerful, you here put me in awe, honestly, it is almost perfect, each line is precious and the effect which you developed with (...) in third line is also priceless.

-Universe's headphones emit broken notes.-

^This wasn't my favorite part, in my mind this line isn't powerful enough, just my personal opinion but I think that you slowed down the rhythm too much.

-His pride blindfolded tomorrows
composing intros of what ifs,
and his lies... they soaked
our black and white fields.-

^This is also interesting, I like the refreshing idea of whole part, very impressionable and, simply this is fantastic stanza.

-Do not implant detonator into dreams
with decayed soul,
running
across previously sewed wounds.-

^Another superbly written part, each description is vivid and the way you expressed emotions is just fascinating.

-Words
drip
like
icy
petals.-

^When I first time read this I didn't like repetition because I thought that story develops through whole poem so ending broke that, but now when I read it, I think that it is incredible ending for this piece because it is remarkable and you made excellent atmosphere with it.

Overall you amazed me with this poem, I enjoyed in each stanza.

"Universe's headphones emit broken notes."
-That part stood out to me, it is so true.

Overall the flow and how you placed the words were different but I enjoyed it very much, since unique is sometimes better. Keep writing, you have a gift. I will look at more of your poetry. =]
P.S- Thank you for commenting on my poem.