Wow.you was right jenny.kick ass poem.great job!5/5
**harlea

WHAT A STORY!! This story is fantastic.
I think it needs some punctuation to help me with the metre. I enjoyed your rhyme for "dumb", very ingenious.
I absolutely enjoyed this.
A bit of emotional writing?

This poem definatly showed me one of the sides of you, I have never seen before. I love how you expressed your opinino in this poem.. You just totally blew me away with it. You showed me another side of you. You should me that you would never stand around idle.. ever. If the world was falling apart, well then you'd get up on your feet and do something about it, so we could all live one more day. This poem is extremlly amazing and one of the best life/society poems I've read thus far. I wouldn't lie about that either. It's just oustanding!

... 5/5!

"The Earth was beginning to quake.
Cracked like an egg, began to break.
Broke open and out fell the core.
Been there as long as dirt and war."

Strong opening to this poem. This really draws the reader into want to reading more. The imagery is also very clear, and you used metaphors really well.

"Sign of global warming, but Earth wouldn't wake.
Sat cooking like a cockroach exposed to heat."

This is so true, not many people are really paying attention to global warming, I can think of a handful of people (Including myself) Who fell asleep with Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth" and I noticed you had a poem called "An Inconvenient Life" Good title lol. The world really does need to open up their eyes to the issues at hand. I loved how you wrote that "but the earth wouldn't wake" Very well put.

"The rulers so in love with power and fame,
took away all the truth and set it aflame."

Again so true, in the country I live in, I think the president doesn't do much, just pockets the money basically. She doesn't do much to help the country at all. This line really opens up the eyes to anyone who reads it about who ever is in control. The power does get to you sometimes. which makes power evil!

"All the kids and teens don't care and ignore what's right.
The ones that give a shit aren't given room to fight.
Even the actions so simple they choose to ignore.
Don't care about the future they're responsible for."

Another truthful part of this poem! Most of us "Adolescents" only care about whats "cool" and the others who care about whats more important for the future of the world get shot down just for caring for the world to last a few more years.

"To produce a wheat field all it takes is one grain."

I like this line, its one of my favorite lines in this poem. Its simple but I believe that this is very powerful, Its not showing you everything, but its powerful on its own.

"I'm fed up with your stupid excuses being um.
Do your research before you open your trap.
Between logic and um there is a big gap."

Yeah most people just say what they "think" without actually looking things up and backing up what they are arguing about.

"There is way more to life than just being alive.
Much more to honeycomb walls; come out of your hive.
Been around for so long and yet little impact made.
I'm in the scorching sun while you're hiding in the shade."

This sounds so angry, this stanza would really make people actually get up and do something. I know I want to.

"While the world is falling apart and you're hiding away,
I'll be standing and saving it to keep another day.
Go ahead and join the dark side, I'll be on the light.
While you're becoming blind I'll be enhancing my sight. "

Such an amazing ending, I loved this over all a perfect poem! Its very inspirational. And this poem is also sticking up for those who actually care about whats going on. Its like your speaking to those who don't care, or to those who never will care and to those who shoot people down for caring. This was an amazing poem that is the only thing I can say. 5/5

I thank this person so much for going into such depth with my poem. She took what she liked and loved and explained why it is such a good line and not only went into depth with the poem, but the poem's meaning. This is one of the best comments I have ever received.

Wow! I totally love this piece! It is so deep and I love every single reference you have in it! One thing that caught my eye right away was the word choice in this. Excellent write! 5/5