Silent tears, a reprise

{a note: i wrote this first poem a while ago, but it think that i changed my mind. so, here i have the first and second versions of silent tears.}

Silent tears {the first version}

I'm sitting there
a present at my feet
a single tear
streaming down my cheek

you left us all
you thought it was best
who cares about money?
theres none of it left.

across the country
you phone every day
you ask how I'm doing
i lie an OK.

mom really misses you
especially right now
I'm am running out of hope
if ill survive i don't know how.

i don't shed tears
because of cash
its cause this happened once before
i thought it wouldn't last.

four years ago
you left for work
you thought that it was best for us
i just want to scream jerk.

then you came back
we were happy for a while
just dreading to look at the truth
i still wear my small fake smile

this year they shipped you away again
after fighting and a judge
you Doctor tried to keep you
i wouldn't let you budge

but now i cry up in my room
afraid to let you see
you sound so tired and ashamed
of what you've come to be

that is why
on easter day
I'm sitting here
with nothing to say

Silent tears {the second version}

you came back today
oh what a joy
your fat ass
they did employ

twice a month
i see your shouting face
but just back off
who wants your embrace

i thought this would work
but all it did was hurt

i thought you were nice
who need your advise?

the first thing i heard
was a shouted complaint
but you should know
court and i, were not saints.

we tried our best
to keep things well
but according to you
things have gone to hell

i tried so hard
you left me scarred

those words you shout
we could go without

now i cry
because of what you said
and these weekends
I've come to dread