Wanna Be His Girl

I really liked your poem, I used to be in the same postition as you are now. Wish on every shooting star, pray when the rain falls (they say if you pray when the rain is falling, watever you ask for you get), but now I'm now longer wishing and praying everynight, cause now I've found someone that saw my beauty from the start.
I hope you get what you want
5/5

This was amazing, it touched me so deep. I can relate so much to this penned piece. Great job, [5.5]

Sarah

Very nice poem I really lyke this poem 5/5 ",

This comment was amazing. She commented on every single line that she thought brought special meaning to the poem. She told me what she liked about it, her favorite parts, and it just really helped me out a lot in poetry writing. Longer and more meaningful than your average comment =)

Do you see that boy over there?
I must confess, he's my everything.
The only thing I could ever ask for,
Damn, he has my heart on a string.
((great, shows how you can go and tell others how much you feel for him, but yet, you can't quite tell him. Even though he's your everything, you've already given him your heart, he just doesn't know it yet))

I want him to love me back,
Be his beautiful little pearl.
I'm still waiting for the day,
I can call myself his girl.
((Again, shows how much love you have for him, just waiting for his love back to you))

No longer am I lying to the world,
Finally free from all this denial.
Now able to confess to everyone,
That for him, I'd walk any mile.
((This is kind of a twisted one... you no longer lie to the world, but yet you haven't told him that you love him. shows how much he means to you, how much of your world he has..))

I want us to have a future together,
In his arms I'll forever curl.
Still waiting for him to finally ask,
If I'll be his number one girl.
((In this one, i finally got that, maybe he already knows how much you love him.. its just hasn't been spoken aloud in words. Still shows what you feel for him.. anticipating any move that he makes.. on the edge and hoping))
He's the only one that makes me jealous,
But that just shows how much I care.
His smiles and laughs fill my entire day,
Every one even more precious than air.
((By far my favorite stanza.. i loved the metaphore you used here, and how you compared the love to air. wonderful work, done so many times, yet its still origional here))

Every time he looks at me,
My heart does a little twirl.
I hope I can make his world spin,
When I'm finally able to be his girl.
((Shows how full of hope you are. You are still smiling and just waiting for him to make his move. Any minute now things could change. i love he innoncent in these words. ))

Spending every wish on him,
When I see a shooting star.
Until the day one comes true,
I have to admire from afar.
((This one.. i thought was weirded kinda funny, and kinda made me confused. Why would you have to admire from afar if your wish came true? i love the wishing on a star idea though.. very effective))

Every day I pray so hard,
To be his entire world.
Everyone but him can see,
That I wanna be his girl
((Wonderful end to a wonderful poem. It shows how much hope you have lost in this process, from being the antsy little school girl smiling at him from the corner, to the angry high school girl that the boy doesn't notice, but has given him all the signs... great work here babe. I Loved it, and it is so relatable. keep it up! :]))