Ummm honestly it could use work alot of work i mean this could have a really good emotion and stuff but i cannot see it here. I dont want to be mean or sound mean cause that is just not me. But work on it a little more

It does need a bit of work,
but you are getting there!

Amazing job! i love this! :)

You need a bit of work on this poem, a few more stanzas and some more amazing vocabulary could expand this poem into a wonderful work of art. If you expand it out more you could have some very good emotion, and I feel as though your not letting yourself say what you really wanna say. Please dont think I am being mean because I'm not I just wanna help you :]

3/5

I wonder some times the same things