She sobbed hard, a bang in her chest. Bang,bang and again. Gasping for air and gritting her teeth
but the force of this still wouldn't allow tears to pour. They threatened to escape, but never fell.
She wanted to scream what her soul screamed every minute of the day. To feel dead inside,
haunted by the secrets of the past. And the pain, that caused her so much internal bleeding.
That now she had to release. But it hurt more with each ounce of pain felt, that would
penetrate from the scissors to her flesh. Then fall, fall to the ground just as herself & finally,
finally the tears would pour and pour. The sobs again,bang,bang,bang into her chest,her heart.
Her breath shallow and drowned by her prolonged tears. covering her ears & whispering
forbidden words and suspicion battles. "My pain won't die but my heart does"
she whispers, through her cries. The memories curse her present, even her future.
To let go seems impossible now. The golden laughter doesn't flow past her lips.
"I want to die" her heart says. Cold shivers over and over. Like the pounding in her head. The voices
argue what is going on, as her stomach flips when she stares at the cuts on her skin. Dry reaching,
she tries to stand but sees there is no use... wants to craw back to bed, turn out the light & sleep forever.
Never to feel the pain again. Hours pass by and her eyes dry & sore from the tears. The banging in her
heard seems to never disappear. "Where is the answer?" a voice in her head said. "Love cannot be....
its toxic" she says aloud with her face as blank as her mind. She puts her head between her knees and
closes her eyes. The humming bangs her head and the voices, they continue their screams. She feels
the dread in her heart lingering. Every memory that is precise fades from herself. Her touch is going,
going like herself. Destroying her emotions with this bleeding. Happiness seems so complicated to reach.
"What shall I do?" shes says to herself. An idea comes and fills her mind with ways to get it.
"Suicide" she whispers. "A painless suicide for myself & the others around me". But she just stares at nothing.
Blacking out like her soul has tried. Confusing questions flow around. And ghost words come back once again,
repeating the deadly insults. "Hello? can anybody hear me? she says. At least she thinks she said... She don't
know no more. Don't know nothing. It may go away but when? And shall it return? Thats the questions even she can't
answer. "Suicide" She whispers once more as she falls into a dreamless sleep on the cold hard floor. Forgetting
all of her pain over the years..... for only a few hours....
