The tears fall down my face as the words are shouted
Panic and worry brought on this aggression
As my mother shows her fear and love for me as I refuse to eat
While there is no understanding why I don't want the meal brought forward
The fears and worries in my own heart stop the simple process that I should be able to do
All that is ever said to me from the featureless faces around me is complements and "how lovely you look"
Yet this brings not confidence but the fear to change from my present form
Knowing that all that keeps me interesting and wanted is the shape of my body
And if that changes the people I love will fade like the dreams I have in the dark of night
The amount of emotion I contain becomes hard to control, as the bile rises from these thoughts
An endless struggle to fight the insane thoughts running through my mind
Thoughts that make me tired enough to sleep forever, thinking nothing could be worse
The need of strong hands to hold me from the dark that is close to consuming me
To talk to me with out the top to toe motion that has become so familiar
To love me for my mind and thoughts and let me know that's what they love the most
Then the anger rises at the incredible dependence I have for this mystery someone
When they have not come forward and are not interested
That I should be able to stand by my self, yet the fears the stupid fears hold me back
That is when the sadness rises, the feeling of being alone is as strong as its ever been
This is when the tears dry and the harm begins
Simple motions that are made automatically hardly even noticing the blood that runs from my body
This is when I am taken away to the place that nobody else can enter
My mind....
