My Only Miss Right in Life is Gone Forever

We met each other online in August 2007.
When we met each other, you called yourself a real woman.
You also told me the most important quality of a man is the inside of him so to speak.

After talking to you on the phone a couple of times,
I was and still am convinced you're a real woman.
After all, you had and likely still have lots of goals in your life.
Including your ultimate career goal that you hope to reach later this year.

Another thing that makes you a real woman
Is how hard working you are as a mom and with the type of work you currently do.
After all, you actually stand above most Black moms in this world.
Since a lot of them raise their kids the wrong way.

You certainly sounded like my Miss Right for a few months.
We had a lot of things in common.
Including both of us having an interest in firearms and motorcycles.
Any guy out here who meets a woman with an interest in those two things is very lucky.

You're even the one who gave me the inspiration to write poems.
Since I personally thought I'm not a good poet.

The first time we stopped talking,
Is when you learned I have an interest in seeing women smoke.
At least I never hid that from you,
At least I never pretended to be someone I wasn't when we WERE talking a lot.

You didn't understand why I reacted the way I did when you made that decision.
Well, it goes back to when you told me the most important quality of a man is his personality.
What I didn't understand is how that one interest of mine is a legit reason for us to stop talking.

I can understand the way you reacted towards learning about my interest in detail.
But that doesn't make me a filthy and gross person.
That doesn't even make me a liar or a cheater.

I still believe I have a lot to offer to a real woman out there who actually sticks to her own words
Of a guy's personality being the most important quality to her.

I'm nice, but I already learned to not be TOO nice with anyone,
Long before you decided to stop talking to me the first time.
People like to take advantage of people who are nice and play around with them.
And I don't have time for that BS anymore since I'm almost 30.

I need a real woman in my life,
But I'm not gonna lie about myself to get that woman.
I'm gonna be myself.
And if she thinks my smoking fetish overrides the fact that I'm nice and sweet for a guy,
Then I dunno where else she's gonna find a man who gives her her own space, treats her and her kid with respect
And more importantly, give her love and support in her life all of the time.

It's really sad my smoking fetish caused me to lose the only Miss Right of my life.
Especially when you made it sound just about as serious as me lying to you about myself, or I attempted to literally hurt you.

You're not gonna find a perfect Mr. Right.
And I'm not gonna find a perfect Miss Right.
Nobody is perfect out here.

I know if the tables were turned, where I learned for example you like seeing adult mags with men in them,
At least I wouldn't make a big issue out of it.
As long as you don't lie to me about anything (yourself included),
As long as I don't notice any changes in your personality in the way you talk to me.
And as long as you especially never hurt me,
Why should I care if you were to like seeing men in adult mags?
We all need some pleasure in our lives.

The second time we stopped talking,
Is when it became obvious you weren't returning my phone calls.
I gave you the benefit of the doubt
Since you have a busy life.
I would've been happy if you contacted me once to point out you got my messages, but you simply said "I apologize for not getting back to you sooner."

I can only dream about how my life would've turned out,
If you never made my smoking fetish sound as serious as you learning for example I'm a felon.
Me having a smoking fetish does not equate me being a criminal.
Both of us probably would've been very happy as friends,
And I would've enjoyed being friends with someone who's a cop.
I especially would've enjoyed those motorcycle rides.

But those dreams were shattered,
Not because of me. I never played with you on anything about myself.
You were the one who not only shattered my dreams but my heart as well.

You wished me good luck in finding a woman who can tolerate a guy with a smoking fetish.
That's actually not hard, since a lot of female smokers out here understand several men find smoking attractive.

But you should really be wishing me good luck in finding a woman who's 100 percent honest with me.
Because a woman who wishes to stop talking to me because I like seeing women smoke.
Is no different from a woman not wanting to talk to me
Simply because I happen to be a smoker myself.

The fact I smoke, or the fact I have a smoking fetish
Are all moot points.
If a woman out there is willing to see the whole pic of me.

I'd say you saw about 90 percent of my pic before you made your first decision of not talking to me.

I should listen to my mother.
She said herself you can't find love online.
Since a lot of women to her are only interested in my money and that's it.
At least I can say you never were interested in my money.
Til you learned about my smoking fetish,
You were more interested in me as a PERSON.

But I guess if you can't tolerate a smoking fetish,
The fact I'm a very good person out here can take a back seat.
That's sad in itself.

Finally, since I don't have that inspiration to write poems anymore,
And since it's clear you're not interested in talking to me anymore period,
I don't see the point of me writing poems on here in the near future.
Especially since I don't have a new Miss Right in my life to motivate me to write about love.

I miss the woman who used to call me "baby" a lot on our phone chats.
I even miss our online chats.
But it will be very hard for me to accept the fact you don't wanna interact with me anymore.
Not because I attempted to punch you.
Not because I called you offensive names.
Not even because you learned I lied about something I said to you.

I gotta accept the fact that you don't want to talk to me anymore because I like seeing women smoke.
If that's really a problem with you, good luck in finding a new Mr. Right.

I know how a lot of Black men out here act.
They pretend to be someone they ain't when meeting new women.
They lie to impress the women.
They probably even hide secrets that are much worse than a smoking fetish.
Like them being actual criminals, or drug addicts, or even drunk brothers!

If you think there's a Black man in that bunch without the smoking fetish who's better than me,
Then you will need lots of good luck in finding a Black man who's similar to me personality-wise.

I would wish you good luck in life,
However, you turned down me giving you friendly support in your life as well.